BMHS (Black Mama Hollering Syndrome)

By Heru Ammen

For those of us that grew up in predominate African American communities with African American mothers one of the things that we can all relate to is the fact that if you stepped out of line in any form or fashion, mama would correct you. This correction usually was in the form of a severe and loud verbal assault which was often laced with colorful metaphors and personal attacks against your character and or perceived personality flaws. African American mothers hollering at their children is about as common in the African American community as is fish on Friday and church on Sunday. The aforementioned is what I term Black Mama Hollering Syndrome or BMHS for short.

For years, my wife and I have been debating the merits of constantly hollering at our own children to discipline them. I know from experiencing it firsthand that it is an ineffective tool when used as the primary form of correcting your child or teenager. In my opinion hollering at your child is a form of verbal violence and it should only be used as a game changer. Any parent will tell you that there will be an occasion or three when you have to get raw with your hormonally enraged teenage son or daughter.

If you have raised your son or daughter to know the difference between right and wrong, and you have instilled in them a sense of self worth, self respect and respect for others then the occasions where you have to "get down" with your teen will be rare. Of course my wife disagrees with me and therein lies the major issue in our relationship. Her first instinct is to hoop, holler, and spit fire and brimstone at our boys.

Sometimes it gets to the point where I feel she goes way beyond what is reasonable and I intervene. Of course when that happens she then accuses me of parental treason for siding with the enemy; i.e., the boys, which then leads to her verbally assaulting me for my perceived lack of spousal loyalty. This has taken a toll on our relationship to the point where I'm seriously considering raising my sons by myself and she is at the point where she is wishing I would hurry up and make up my mind and do it! So stay tuned for the next episode....